My Journey

Merry X-Mas Malta!!!

New Rules For Employment


SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, Relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ''''''''''''''''A'''''''''''''''' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with ''''''''''''''''B'''''''''''''''' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you''''''''''''''''re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees'''''''''''''''' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

PAYCHECK GUIDE: The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks: Item Amount Gross pay $1,222.02 Income tax $244.40 Outgo tax $45.21 State tax $11.61 Interstate tax $61.10 County tax $6.11 City tax $12.22 Rural tax $4.44 Back tax $1.11 Front tax $1.16 Side tax $1.61 Up tax $1.08 Down tax $1.14 Tic-Tacs $1.98 Thumbtacks $3.93 Carpet tacks $0.98 Stadium tax $0.69 Flat tax $8.32 Surtax $2.23 Ma''''''''''''''''am tax $1.23 Corporate tax $2.60 Parking fee $5.00 F.I.C.A. $81.88 T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95 Life insurance $5.85 Health insurance $16.23 Dental insurance $4.50 Mental insurance $4.33 Disability $2.50 Ability $0.25 Liability $3.41 Coffee $6.85 Coffee Cups $66.51 Floor rental $16.85 Chair rental $0.32 Desk rental $4.32 Union dues $5.85 Union don''''''''''''''''ts $3.77 Cash advance $0.69 Cash retreats $121.35 Overtime $1.26 Undertime $54.83 Eastern time $9.00 Central time $8.00 Mountain time $7.00 Pacific time $6.00 Time Out $12.21 Oxygen $10.02 Water $16.54 Heat $51.42 Cool air $26.83 Hot air $20.00 Miscellaneous $113.29 Various $8.01 Sundry $12.09 ------- Net Take Home Pay $0.02

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week. The Management

Adam, Eve, and God Makes Three


"God," said Adam, "Why did you make Eve so beautiful?"
"So you would love her."
"But why did you make her so dumb?"
"So she would love you."



eheheheheh

speachless! sublime.... EU FUI! ehheheheh =)

http://www.rtp.pt/wportal/antena3/index.php?article=4913&visual=1


Update!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XguzxCvaQA

Ainda me arrepio toda quando oiço! aiiiii... que belo inicio!!

One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too short to reach.


LMAO eu levei 5 segundos pa atingir, blond moment! Está tããããããoooo gira!! Que risada!!
Quem perceber que se acuse!!

BOA SEMANA!!

Pois é... desde que cheguei ainda não tinha passado por aqui...
Não por não me lembrar, mas mesmo por falta de tempo!
Ah e tal, vida de estudante é bom, mas já cansa!...
enfiiiiiiiiim.....
Férias ou desemprego (como lhe queiram chamar) só mesmo depois do dia 13 (sexta feira!! hum... será presságio?!eheh), portanto lá vai continuar a minha palidez...idas à praia só depois de dia 13, snif... :'(

Até lá, só vai haver tempo para uma paragem para festejar, pois isto não é para perder!
Eu vou tar lá a trabalhar ;) bem bom!
Não querem ir? Eu acho que sim! ;)
eheh

Bem, o chinês chama por mim!
Até mais... Beijinhos!

Pensei que hoje ia estar ao pulos e toda contente da vida por voltar amanha para Portugal, mas afinal nao...
Ainda nem parti e ja estou com saudades... das pessoas sobretudo!
Agora posso dizer com toda a certeza que estes seis meses foram dos melhores da minha vida e, vou sempre guardar aqui num cantinho do meu coracao estas pessoas maravilhosas que aqui conheci!
Sim, sim... eu hoje tou lamechas... mas o que querem, ja me fartei de choramingar ao despedir-me da Sharon... Eu sou assim, uma manteiga derretida.. LOL

BEIJOS e boa semana para todos.. I'll be back

Ora bem, mais um fds prolongado (sim, eles aqui são espertos e feriados so as segundas!!), fizemos as malas e rumamos a Londres... Foi bom.. Tirando A CHUVA!.. não é Ana??

O nosso ninho! (eu disse te que ia escrever isto!!) Ainda bem que não tivemos pesadelos!!

yeah baby yeah!!!

eheheh











eu ontem depois de chegar a casa! (podia me dar pa pior!)